Friday!! Something unusual broke my sleep, I woke up shaken. My stomach was grunting. Looked at the alarm clock, it had yet to start its opera. Hey!! I woke up early today. All my roomies were dead asleep, except one. He was just back from his night shift. It didn't take me long to perceive, it was an once in a blue moon opportunity for me to egest and shower in peace. Now that doesn't happen very often, for I never wake up this early, and secondly none of my roomies wake up early enough to leave the bathroom free for me to take bath like sultans by the time I wake up.
I quickly arranged my towels, soap, private garments in the racks of the bathroom and jumped over the commode. I couldn't avoid noticing, it was stain free, a sight not so easily seen in my room! With wit, I screamed to ask my roomie (the one I was talking about earlier, he was about to take a nap), "What happened to the stains on the commode ? They were decorating our bathroom for months altogether now". "Well yeah, Yesterday my conscience finally managed to win the battle over our ignorance, the toilet brush finally found some use!". I could sense the disparage in his words. With a guilt in my mind I couldn't even put forward some formal words like, "I was planning to clean it today" or something like that. The remarks would have been, "Oh yeah ?" or "I know !" or something like that. Silence was the only way to save my honor, so I took it.
The stomach was crying harder by now. I had a clean pot hole now. Doesn't it give heavenly pleasure to excrete in a clean environment, specially when you never had to (or didn't bother to) clean it in ages. I started pushing myself, just to realise all my efforts were futile. Now I realised the cause of those grunts. Yes, you got it right, it was constipation. I had enough time today, so I decided to give the load enough time to find the outlet. Alas! I was too complacent, I spent more than a hour but couldn't generate and mass to be flushed down. Some murmuring, began outside now. Thoughts shattered my brains, Are my roomies awake? I tried to put all my energy to win this battle. I could see my face on the mirror fixed in front of me, it was turning red when I force, and pale green when I give it up. Too Late !!! My roomies started banging the door. A voice said, "Hey what the hell are you doing there for so long ? I'm getting late !!", another voice said, "My team has got a meeting with the Manager today". Aah !! "So? You think this ain't important huh ? do you even realise what a mental turmoil I'm going through ?". No! I didnt say that, I couldn't. So the luxury 'hamaam' turned out the be a bachelor's daily bath during the rush hours of the morning on working days. Quickly had to splash some water and vacate.
Still with the soreness in the stomach, I reached my office. Guess what was the first thing I looked at, yes the "Adam's Rest Room", yeah that's the fancy name given to the place we excrete our dirts, here in our office for the gents. Nevertheless, its my favourite place in the office, the only private place in the whole facility. Anyways, I didn't want to go there immediately, just to avoid the embarrassment of giving the fellow employees an impression that I have Loose Motions. Decided to check my mails to take over my desperation. To add to the pain, no one, mind you, no one sent me any forwards or some mails with readable text today. They remember to do it most when you don't need them.
If you believe in god, then you must also believe, God may be unkind at times. Yes ! he can always add to your misery. Why am I saying this ? Well my story didn't finish yet. To make things worser, I found my boss standing in my cabin. An event, which is a clear indication of "You are in deep sh*t". With a smile boss stated, "Hey can you finish the presentation I gave you yesterday, by end of the day ?". I exclaimed, "Today !? But it was scheduled to me on Monday.", "Yeah, but we got a presentation by the later part of the day today", "I don't have much understanding of the requirements, When do you want it ?", "By say evening 4:00 PM", "Evening !?", I exclaimed with my eye lids wide spread. "I can sit a bit late and do it by night 9 O' clock", "No we have the presentation in the evening". Now I realised the sh*t couldn't get any deeper, and this shit stinks more, I had to give the reply he wanted, "Yes! Sure I'll do it". He was the boss not me, I have no rights to complain. I don't have the caliber to differentiate between feasibility and non feasibility.
All day I worked on the presentation without resting my back on the chair. To help myself, all I could do is ignore the feeling that I'm in need to lighten up. When my eyes fell on the board "Adam's Rest Room", I had to pretend to myself that I'm unaware of what it can bring to me, a peace for the whole day.
Just when I was working the presentation, a message popped out on my face saying, "Hey do you remember the plan we made for today ?". Yes ! It was my girl friend. Like any other woman, she remembers all days and dates. Valentines Day, Red rose day, Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Friends Day, Women Day. I wish we had some days meant for gentlemen, "Watch Sports Day", "Leave all men in peace day", "No Gifts Day", "Girls spend the money day". Alas ! the world doesn't always turn out to be the way you want. Coming back to the message what she was referring to was an old commitment I made. We were supposed to be going for a dinner and a Movie. I replied, "I haven't booked the tickets yet, I'm not sure we'll get it". "Don't worry about a thing, my friend will get it for both of us". Now such uninvited well wishers may often turn all your hopes down. All I could say was, "Oh great, we'll have nice time today". Now, I saw one advantage of my boss forcing me to do the presentation by evening. To them forgetting is a crime, and I had committed it.
This is evening now, I receive a call, "Hey dear I'm waiting outside your office with my friends, come soon we'll get late for the movie". I never knew her friends were coming too. Never mind ! I never have the control over it either, there is only one person who makes decision among us, and its her, Always!. My presentation was ready, and the clock read, 6 O' clock. If I forgot to tell you, yeah She was always punctual about movies. I just said, "Just gimme a few mins, I'll be there". Soon passed the presentation, and left the office. If you didn't realise by this time, I have still not it, yes the, "Adam's Rest Room".
It was Dinner time, being a social animal, I always give others the chance to order. So I had to eat the Tanduri chiken, Seekh Kabab, Biriyani, Naan.. blah blah. All these just to to add to my misery, when all I needed was some lime water to soothe my stomach, and its not over yet. I had a whole 3 hours of ordeal to face. An emotional Hindi movie, to tear my nerves apart and popcorns to burst my intestines.
Finally, the three hours of tormenting drama, sweat, blood, tears and songs at a continual intervals with Heroines changing her dress 6 times in a 5 minute song, was over. It was getting late so I had to drop my Girl Friend at her home. Now the things were going out of control. I rushed home with maximum speed I could drive.
Hey wait, my affliction was not over yet. At the home, when I reach, I rushed to the toilet, just to realise that there is no water. "What happened to the water?", I yelled. "Its over, we had to eat out as we couldn't even cook". "Holy Jesus Christ, Why Me ?". I quickly checked the fridge and took out some bottles of water. It was chilled, but then finally something cool to end my day."
Sorry about such a gross topic, but today I realised, the greatest power on earth is the power of nature, and when nature calls, you cannot elude. A lesson learnt with an experience. ;-)
